101 uses for Australian Prime Minister John Howard
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
John Howard.
Sure, when it comes to pretty much any topic, a sudden reversal of direction wouldn’t cause a single eyelid to bat, but on the subject of indigenous reconciliation, you’d have to say that until quite recently, John Howard had all the direction-changing power of a [...]
Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but for a sect of religious homophobes, the Exclusive Brethren have what could only be described as an extremely gay name, evoking images of rugby change-room frolics, dressing up in women’s clothing and free entry to the best gay nightclubs.
Fortunately, we at 101 Uses For A John Howard [...]
A lert is a small, furry marsupial endemic to the urban areas of Australia. It is considered to be endangered, but zoologists suspect it is just extremely shy, spending most of its time hiding under rocks dialling the emergency terrorist hotline.
Contrary to popular belief, the lert has very few predators in Australia and the most [...]
We Australians love our wheat. Without wheat there would be no breakfast of champions, without wheat there would be no bread to wrap your sausage in at a barbecue, without wheat there would be no Australian Wheat Board.
The trouble with wheat is its vulnerability to various environmental factors. Australian Scientists have led the world on [...]
Apologies for the erroneous posting earlier in the day. Madness has ensued, and production of the book of the blog is underway and the wrong button got pressed. Anyway, please enjoy use number 89…
Personally, I can’t get enough information from the government. As I’m flicking the junk mail into the recycling, changing the channel on [...]
It’s a bugger, the economy. The couches of Australia are pointing emptily at brand spanking new 50″ plasma TVs, cushions bulging with spare change while everyone’s at work desperately trying to keep up with the repayments. We’ve never had it so good, it’s eco-bloody-nomic Nirvana, whack another shrimp on the barbie and crack open that [...]
Eighty seven: the Devil’s number of Australian cricket, the score all batsmen fear, and if the footage of John bowling in Kashmir in 2005 is any indication of his prowess with the ball, the only chance he would ever have of taking a wicket, although he would also need to be bowling to a batsman [...]
The couch is integral to the Australian way of life. Without a good couch, it is impossible to be comfortable and relaxed. Without a couch, families will be forced to eat the main meal facing each other across a dinner table, potentially resulting in conversation and thus the swift and inevitable breakdown of civilised society.
Without [...]
Scientists have calculated that if it were possible to harness the energy expended by John Howard’s kicking and screaming as he was dragged towards signing the Kyoto protocol, you could power every household on the planet for millions of years. Sadly, this near-infinite source of energy is far too dangerous to be toyed with as, [...]
As Clark Kent is to Superman, Peter Parker is to Spidey, Bruce Wayne is to Batman and William “Billy” Cranston is to the Blue Power Ranger, so is John Howard to Mr Sheen. Mild mannered Prime Minister by day, Australia’s most powerful cleaning product by night.
Now, while flying around the house on a magic dusting [...]
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