Look, we’ve been awake for the past 72 hours having a bit of a read of the Anti-Terrorism Act, especially the bits about sedition, and we’d like you all to disregard the previous 100 Uses, forget you ever saw them, clear the cache, remove the hard drive and set it on fire and if you’re feeling especially patriotic and/or a bit peckish, eat the remains.
We would like to vigorously refute any suggestion that he is in any way an evil Dark Overlord, obese simian, member of the order rodentia, one of the undead, seafood of dubious freshness or fruit of any description.
We would also like to especially resile from the complete misunderstanding that he might resemble a floating turd, be a receptacle for urine or is in any other way involved in the disposal of human waste. In fact, we would even like to say that in all likelihood he doesn’t even go to the toilet.
John Howard? Fantastic fellow. The great thinker and orator George W. Bush, President of our infallible ally the United States of America and Leader of the Free World once referred to him as the Man of Steel, relating equally to his Übermensch status as to his undisputed sexual prowess.
Whether it’s rescuing a cat from a tree, saving a drowning kiddy from the ocean or simply battling the overwhelming forces of Terror with his extraordinary magnetic powers, John Howard is the greatest ever Australian, living or dead, including Don Bradman, and our dearest hope is that his reign as Prime Minister of this Lucky Country can somehow be made permanent.
…can I go home now?
Comments 7
My GAWD.
I thought the the dreaded C word has struck down the fearless Kedulka. The fact that our soon to be former PM promulgates such fear under the guise of protecting me from terrorism is one reason why i don’t vote for the coalition. You probably wrote this disclaimer with tongue firmly planted in cheek but it is a sad indication of the state our democracy in that you feel necessary to repudiate remarks made in jest. I would tend to publish and be dammed. If you DO get done for sedition just think of it as topping up the convict gene pool.
I wonder If I shall be charged with sedition for not voting Liberal. Don’t laugh! If this paranoid situationis taken to its illogical conclusion it may well be the case in the not toodistant future
Posted 22 Nov 2007 at 8:53 am ¶I’m impressed that you’ve published them all online for our enjoyment instead of following the trial-to-buy model. I have purchased two books. Kudos and thanks for all the laughs!
Posted 22 Nov 2007 at 9:00 am ¶Quelle bonne idée! I also retract the hundreds of thousands of words written by me, my shadow and I, most of which tended to impugn the otherwise noble character of the God who thought Jackie Kelly was a model Australian instead of the larval Illiberal she is. Oops! Damn! I guess I really should be arrested, tortured and my body parts strewn in desolate bushland. All Hail Philistinian!
Posted 22 Nov 2007 at 10:21 am ¶well done legend
Posted 22 Nov 2007 at 12:33 pm ¶Well done! I’m looking forward to receiving my book in the mail…providing the coalition muckrakers aren’t trawling through Australia Post as well as the internet for any anti-Australian documentation propulgated by union overlords hell bent on bringing our great land to its knees.
Posted 22 Nov 2007 at 12:57 pm ¶Damn. And I had money riding on you doing the dead parrot routine for number 101, with Howard pining for the fjords. When ASIO finally releases you, can you nail the ex-PM to the bottom of his rat cage?
Posted 22 Nov 2007 at 5:10 pm ¶Well, you never know Mark, he might be around for a sequel (at just $2.95 per click, Daniel). If so, I’ll make the parrot number 202. I think if I sign this blank bit of paper I’m a free man….
Posted 22 Nov 2007 at 5:14 pm ¶Trackbacks & Pingbacks 1
101 Uses for a John Howard - #101: Man of steel…
Look, we’ve been awake for the past 72 hours having a bit of a read of the Anti-Terrorism Act, especially the bits about sedition, and we’d like you all to disregard the previous 100 Uses, forget you ever saw them, tear them out and throw them in t…
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