Sure, a clone army of Cultural Stormtroopers is nice to have, but no Dark Lord of the Sith is complete without an invincible space station with which to destroy entire planets in a peremptory fashion. John W. Vader took delivery of his fully operational Death Senate after the 2004 election.
Sadly, “fully operational” is never quite the case with your average Death Star. They never work properly and they’re always back in the shop. A particular problem with this one was a persistent squeak in the Barnaby Joyce, which is impossible to get parts for.
Nonetheless, it’s a good life being a Dark Imperial Overlord with the power to choke recalcitrant minions with a mere wiggle of the fingers. The black outfit, while not as comfy as the tracksuit, lends a certain gravitas and also makes you impossible to dack.
Until now, it’s been a bit of a doddle. Recent opponent, Kim Jabba the Beazley didn’t move very fast and nobody could understand what he was saying without subtitles. Chewbacca Latham howled a lot but ended up making a monkey of himself and that other chap Jar Jar Crean was quickly relegated to a non-speaking role for obvious reasons.
However, there’s a New Hope on the horizon. A young hero Kev Skywalker has appeared out of nowhere with a tousled mop of blonde hair. There’s also that Princess Gillard with the weird hairdo, but apparently her boyfriend’s a hairdresser.
Anyway, Darth Howard’s still got one ace up his sleeve. At the appropriate moment, he will reveal his terrible secret, Kevin… I am your father.
…which pretty much explains everything.
Comments 4
Finally a proper use for taxpayer funds: The transport of John W. Vader to that planet far far away.
Posted 21 Nov 2007 at 1:51 pm ¶Pity - I like Darth Vader XD
I eagerly await number #101 - John Howard as an umemployed dole bludger!
Posted 21 Nov 2007 at 1:54 pm ¶I am surprised so many uses can be found. I can’t think of one.
I think the way the AFL has treated Ben Cousins is a bloody disgrace and yet you give weasle word Johnny all this publicity. Even in his junkie condition Ben is a far more worthwhile person. Thank goodness it won’t make any difference. He is on the way out Only problem I have with that is that the aspirational, hey I got a Johnny word in, incumbent will be just as bad. Can you imagine a Blaire clone running the country because that will be the case after ii-24. not much of an alternative but a shade better than the greens
Posted 21 Nov 2007 at 4:07 pm ¶Naomi
John Howard may be a bludger after his democraticly enforced retirement but I can’t see the difference between pre and post election. Johnny boy was a bludger the day he stepped across the thresh hold of parliament house thirty some years ago. As I have been told many times myself by people of hisi ilk once a bludger always a bludger. He may have few brains cells left but surely there are enough of them to discourage him from applying for the dole on his pension Surely there is no animal on earth that would be that stupid.
I have just had this mental picture of Lil Johnny in jail for dole fraud. The thought has a certain piquancy about it. May be Kudelka could bring that fantasy to being with one of his awesomely funny cartoons
Posted 21 Nov 2007 at 9:02 pm ¶Trackbacks & Pingbacks 1
101 Uses for a John Howard - #100: Darth Vader…
Sure, a clone army of Cultural Stormtroopers is nice to have, but no Dark Lord of the Sith is complete without an invincible space station with which to destroy entire planets in a peremptory fashion. John W. Vader took delivery of his fully operationa…
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