101 Uses for a John Howard

Picture yourself washing down a fresh Tasmanian oyster with a crisp white wine while you watch the sun set over the beautiful rolling hills of a Tamar Valley winery.

Boring huh?

Luckily, Tasmanian tourism is going to receive an overdue injection of adrenaline in the near future. Instead of endless tracts of pristine this and untouched that, you’ll be able to watch it all get chopped down and turned into pulp.

THRILL to the logtruck derby where the only thing on the road more endangered than you is the native wildlife! GASP at the spectacular stench of fugitive mill emissions! RETCH as you tuck into a dioxin-laced oyster! The days when the most exciting thing about a Tasmanian holiday was wondering when the rain will stop are long gone.

Humble fellow that he is, John can really only take credit for the pollution of Bass Strait as he left the approval for pulping the rest of Tasmania up to the state government where the only thing dodgier than the approvals process will be the local fisherman’s basket once the effluent starts flowing. No Save The Franklin fiascos for John - look at what a missed waterskiing opportunity that turned out to be.

So, next time you’re about to tuck into a slippery Bass Strait oyster with a slightly dodgy look about it, think of John Howard. It’s not really that much of a stretch.