101 Uses for a John Howard

What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?

John Howard.

Sure, when it comes to pretty much any topic, a sudden reversal of direction wouldn’t cause a single eyelid to bat, but on the subject of indigenous reconciliation, you’d have to say that until quite recently, John Howard had all the direction-changing power of a well-flung stick. Practical reconciliation was all the rage, which mainly involved sending the tanks into the Northern Territory without so much as a by-your-leave, presumably on the grounds that it worked so well in Iraq.

But out of the gathering darkness, there’s a whirring in the sky as Johnny’s made a screaming U-turn, spinning like mad and promising to hold a referendum to have a Statement of Reconciliation incorporated into a preamble to the Constitution.

Now anyone who has attempted any sort of amble through Australia’s Constitution will tell you that a more pleasant stroll could possibly be had through an unmarked minefield inside a quicksand swamp infested by hungry crocodiles on a moonless night, and the smartest type of preamble would best involve ambling as quickly as possible in the opposite direction.

A simple apology would seem a more practical first step, but apparently that’s where is all gets a bit complicated. For what it’s worth, we’re sorry we asked.