Scientists have calculated that if it were possible to harness the energy expended by John Howard’s kicking and screaming as he was dragged towards signing the Kyoto protocol, you could power every household on the planet for millions of years. Sadly, this near-infinite source of energy is far too dangerous to be toyed with as, theoretically, the paradox caused by the presence of John Howard’s signature on the Kyoto protocol would cause the entire universe to implode.
Fortunately, there is a less dangerous source of power generation based on the principle of the Howard backflip. Once Johnny was hooked up to the generator with the monitor showing a continuous feed of opinion polls, the torque generated by the process of the little guy changing his story could power the planet.
Carbon trading? No way… flip!
Emissions targets? Not on your… flip!
Eventually, cloning and miniaturisation techniques would make possible the mass-production of the internal Howard engine, bringing an inexhaustible supply of energy to all humanity that, as long as the soundproofing was perfect, would be entirely free of toxic emissions.
Are you trying to get all of the 101 uses out of the way before the election before moving, inevitably, on to Kev? If so, keep me posted!
101usesforakevinrudd.com is indeed registered and waiting, though there may be some unavoidable duplication…
Well, I shall offer to be your first sign-up for “101 uses for a Kevin Rudd” because that would mean he has won on 24 November. The waiting is killing me.
Not that I am a “believer” in Krudd as a messiah, because Krudd is not a “true believer (ALP style)” apparently. But we need to get rid of JH.
Keep it going.
Your messages always cheer me up.
Denis
Yet again I’m thrown to the floor, gibbering and writhing with laughter. Must drop by the local madhouse for a straitjacket, get the dog to harness me up, hit return with my nose and hope I don’t implode. Could be messy.
You’re national living treasure.
Jon, could you give us a sneak peak at your vision of Kev? (You might as well – Howard’s a goner.) Will Kev be wearing shorts and long socks, perchance? A blazer and cap? Will he be (heavy breathing) toting a satchel?
This is all starting to get me excited, just like Johnny’s eyebrows.