101 Uses for a John Howard

The first backflip of an election campaign is like the first swallow of spring. It’s a sign that all the bounty of Treasury is ready to spew forth after a long winter of discontent, mainly for those in marginal electorates of course, but if it’s going to be a tight one, there’ll be pork aplenty for all.

Today’s decision to attempt to stop employers docking the pay of malingering (or “sick” as the pinkos would have it) workers and allowing these malingering layabouts to keep their holidays on top of all that is an excellent example of giving back to voters what they already had in the hope of avoiding an unfair dismissal of your own. Expect plenty more where that came from up to the next election.

This is the secret of John’s incredible longevity. Rather than an old-fashioned piggybank which requires smashing with a hammer to get to the loot, the John Howard piggybank needs only to be threatened with the hammer to give up its precious cargo, thus allowing you to refill the piggybank over the next three years or so rather than having to buy some new piggybank which might not be so forthcoming next time the mallet’s out of the toolbox.