101 Uses for a John Howard

As we’re up to number 42, it seems appropriate to have a bit of a crack at the answer to life, the universe and everything which, according to the late, great Douglas Adams, turns out to be “42″.

According to Douglas, knowledge of the Ultimate Answer and knowledge of the Ultimate Question are mutually exclusive in any given universe. However experimentation by mice indicates that the Ultimate Question might be “What do you get when you multiply six by nine?” which does point the finger somewhat at John Howard, specifically when it comes to the gap between what you’re promised before an election and what you actually get.

Scientists realised that all the stuff that’s missing from John’s promises must have gone somewhere, and the only place they could have disappeared so comprehensively is into a political black hole. These occur when the density and mass of a politician’s bullshit becomes so great that it collapses in upon itself, deforming space so nothing can possibly escape its gravitational field, neatly explaining the workings of the Freedom Of Information laws.

Some theories say that black holes are gateways to other, happier universes where all the missing promises have gone to enrich the lives of deliriously happy voters, but the only thing we can say for sure is that black holes suck more than anything else in the universe.