101 Uses for a John Howard

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
And I’ll tell them to piss off back where they came from!

In the little guy’s mind at least, he already bestrides the world stage not unlike the fabled Colossus of Rhodes. As it looks like his excision bill is going to fall over in the Senate this week, he needs another way to continue his tireless protection of Australia’s borders from invasion by hordes of seasick refugees in leaky fishing boats.

Plan B is to build an enormous wall around the entire country with our PM as a sort of Antipodean reverse Statue of Liberty guarding the only entrance outside the heads of Sydney Harbour.

Anyone attempting a frontal assault on Australia’s coastline would face a harrowing passage between his legs with the real danger of being crapped on from a great height, which would be perfectly consistent with his tough but fair treatment of asylum seekers, while his enormous bare arse pointing back towards the voters of Australia would be the perfect symbol of his regard for the people he has sworn to protect