101 Uses for a John Howard

When it comes to confidently negotiating a bewildering labyrinth, the PM’s your man, er… mouse. Anyway, in all likelihood, it’s probably his creation. In fact, if the Minotaur had had to sit through one of John’s press conferences, he would have chucked the whole thing in and started serving Devonshire Teas at the local hedge maze.

Identified by zoologically-inclined Liberal senator George Brandis as a member of the order Rodentia, John’s a natural for scientific research, perhaps helping them discover whether a spiffy pair of trakky dacks can help a rat powerwalk through a maze in half the time.

Of course, considering George’s other observation about his cheese-loving leader, it might be prudent not to rely too heavily on the accuracy of any data collected in any experiment involving John Winston Rodent.