#23: Floater

Jeff: Steve, you know what I call this type of Prime Minister? You know, the type you can’t get rid of.
Steve: Is this going to be really tasteless? Am I going to be ashamed to be your friend?
Jeff: (he laughs) There’s a technical term. Just a harmless expression.
Steve: Alright, hit me.
Jeff: Bah, unflushable cos’ they keep bobbing around.
Steve: Go Jeff, just go. Go, go. Don’t look back. Go.

Yes, I know we’re back in the toilet already, but I’m hoping that the slightly amended quote from Coupling and the fact that “floater” is quite similar to the previous “floatie” gives me just enough legitimacy to carry on regardless. I admit it’s an unbelievably flimsy justification, so consider it an homage to the Great Man himself and move on.

After each of the last four great Democratic Flushes of 1996, 1998, 2001 and 2004, when all the bubbling, gurgling and swirling subsided, all that remained for the hungover voters of Australia in the cold light of Sunday morning was John Howard grinning up at us, gently bobbing in the bowl.

Now take that postdiluvial horror and imagine you’ve flushed all the water from the cistern, the pipes are blocked up, there’s no plumber available for the next decade or so and for some bewildering reason the waters are slowly but inexorably rising. Well, you’ve just imagined every working day of Peter Costello’s life, so next time you see him simpering smugly during Question Time, have some compassion, because nobody wants to be around when the smirking stops.

…and he’s the one who gets called “number two”.

Okay, I’ll stop now.