#22: Floatie

At the first shout of “Kids overboard!” John will be in the water making sure the little buggers don’t sink until we can get some incriminating photographs. You may notice the warning “THIS IS NOT A LIFE SAVING DEVICE” which is quite unfair. John is clearly saving countless Australian lives from terrorist attack in this picture alone and as floatie number two Phil Ruddock¹ is one of the undead, saving lives is hardly his responsibility.

If you look closely at the above picture, you may notice that there aren’t actually any kiddies in the water. This is deceptive as there are in fact hundreds and hundreds of kiddies just out of frame that were flung there by their queue-jumping terrorist parents who will stop at nothing to get into our country.

…or at least that was the best advice John had at the time. Though personally I think the best advice he could have been given at the time was to get some better advisors, as the number of pieces of advice his hapless advisors have completely cocked up since then makes you suspect they think Christmas Island is somewhere near the North Pole populated by a fat bearded terrorist with a penchant for reindeer.

Anyway, there’s a video which proves the allegations are true, except one of John’s advisors seems to have taped Lost over it, which turns out to be a good thing as we are advised that the big revelation for series two is that the island is actually an enormous offshore detention centre and we are further advised that Lost is not fiction but is in fact a documentary.

¹Phil’s not wearing his Amnesty International badge simply because he forgot his puncture repair kit and not because his wearing it is in any way a shameful travesty. So there.