If you’ve got something that needs dividing and conquering, we at 101 Johnnys have just the tool. Pictured here helping to neaten up a Tasmanian old-growth forest, the John Howard Wedge can be used to split pretty much anything, from splitting asylum seekers from their rights under the United Nations Convention Relating to the Status [...]
Practical reconciliation means never having to say you’re sorry, and when you think about it, nothing complicates matters more than the erroneous impression that you actually care.
Politeness costs nothing, so in the era of the bottom line, that means it has no actual value. There’s a big gap in the gift and greeting card market [...]
It’s that time of the year again. All over the country, ever-expanding families are blowing their baby bonuses on wide-screen plasma TVs to give each other on Howmas Day. The only person not celebrating is Peter Costello who has just been visited by the Ghost of Howmas Future and didn’t receive the gladdest of tidings.
Anyway, [...]
It’s becoming really difficult keeping track of all the diverse media at your fingertips these days. There are too many points of view from too many people making everything too bloody complicated and the ABC doesn’t even have ads to break up the monotony.
It’s hard enough finding the crossword in your morning paper without having [...]
Got something to say but can’t quite find the words that don’t make you look like an inbred, pointy-headed, frothy-mouthed racist? That’s what the John Howard dog whistle’s for! You can blow it until your face is as red as your neck and the only people who will hear the dulcet tones emanating from the [...]
John’s latest combined water/greenhouse strategy seems to be to melt the Polar icecaps as quickly as possible, thus diluting the world’s oceans to a point where Australians will be able to quench their thirst simply by dipping their glasses into the waves outside their waterfront properties. On Uluru.
Approximately 10% of your standard iceberg is above [...]
When it comes to confidently negotiating a bewildering labyrinth, the PM’s your man, er… mouse. Anyway, in all likelihood, it’s probably his creation. In fact, if the Minotaur had had to sit through one of John’s press conferences, he would have chucked the whole thing in and started serving Devonshire Teas at the local hedge [...]
Okay, just moved to a new server where the lights won’t get turned out at midnight cos all the beer’s been drunk. If you’ve been logging in on kudelka.com.au/101 rather than 101usesforajohnhoward.com, the kudelka.com.au/101 page will no longer be updated.
If anything seems screwy apart from the jokes, I’d appreciate an email as I think I [...]
Need a bit of job security? No worries! We’ll have them escort you off the premises. In the brave new world of Fair Unfair Dismissals, the handiest piece of office furniture you can own is a sturdy cardboard box to carry your stuff home in. Congratulations, you just created a job, and don’t let the [...]
Jeff: Steve, you know what I call this type of Prime Minister? You know, the type you can’t get rid of.
Steve: Is this going to be really tasteless? Am I going to be ashamed to be your friend?
Jeff: (he laughs) There’s a technical term. Just a harmless expression.
Steve: Alright, hit me.
Jeff: Bah, unflushable cos’ they [...]
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