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Monthly Archives June 2006

#4: Piñata

For the ultimate in festive family-friendly occasions, cover John Howard in papier-mâché and confetti, string him up in the town square and get little kiddies to beat him with sticks until presents fall out. This was apparently a cornerstone of Peter Costello’s last budget until the kibosh was put on it for being “too ethnic”.

Posted 13 June 2006 † kudelka § Uses for a John Howard ‡ Comments (5) °

#3: Cricket ball

The Australian media is divided into two types of people: those who would like to strike John Howard firmly with a lump of wood and those who would like to rub him vigorously against their groin. This is mirrored somewhat by the entire population, so here’s a use that’s a win-win. The Prime Minister’s love [...]

Posted 12 June 2006 † kudelka § Uses for a John Howard ‡ Comments (6) °

#2: Discreet paperweight

Use him to keep your most sensitive documents safe from stray breezes and prying eyes. Guaranteed to never, ever look at any correspondence under any circumstances. Your secrets are safe with him.

Posted 09 June 2006 † kudelka § Uses for a John Howard ‡ Comments (0) °

#1: Public convenience

Kids overboard, never-ever GST, non-core promises – he’s been taking the piss for over a decade. The Australian people could pay no more fitting tribute to our beloved PM than to fill his Golden Years with golden showers. Anyway, most conservative politicians would pay good money for this sort of thing.

Posted 06 June 2006 † kudelka § Uses for a John Howard ‡ Comments (12) °