The culture wars are over. The Conservatives won. You can’t beat ‘em and you can’t stomach joining ‘em. Don’t burden your children with your left-wing namby-pamby latte-sipping hippie commie UnAustralian compassion, social conscience or lack of rampant materialism. Get them on the winning team early with the John Howard and Friends Kiddies’ Mobile(TM). Before you know it, they’ll be opening Baby’s First Share Portfolio, buying a four wheel drive and joining the Young Liberals.
Let Johnny the Mendacious Rodent, “Piggy, er… Bank” Costello, Count Ruddock, Amanda “Hippopotami Are Herbivores So Don’t Look At Me If Somebody Ate The Refugee Kiddies” Vanstone, Tony “Pit Bull” Abbott, Brendan “I’m Not Really A Warthog, It Was Just An Ill-Considered Haircut” Nelson and Alexander the Cross Dressing Teddy Bear instil Australian Values in your child while you’re off at work trying to keep up with the mortgage repayments.
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