101 Uses for a John Howard

Let’s face it, the smart money’s on the little guy being on the debit side of the bullying ledger during his school years. What better way of taking your revenge on your tormentors, not to mention the entire world, than by joining a conservative political party? That way you get to beat up on poor bastards who can’t fight back for a change.

A few more years under the scalp and he’s surely going from trainee slaphead to the full cranial Brazilian, so add a pair of shades, a natty bowtie and a crisp white shirt and he’s got the look down pat (the earpiece is actually his hearing aid). He decides who comes into this nightclub and under what circumstances. Please form an orderly queue or it’s off to Nauru with your teeth in a jar courtesy of Amanda “The Dentist” Vanstone.

Hey, don’t blame him. Take it up with Management. In Jakarta.