Sorry about the gap between postings, I had a baby daughter turn up on Monday who won’t be getting that extra thousand dollars’ pocket money this week.
…Anyway, enough talk about the future saviour of humanity, today’s use is, I guarantee, the last soccer reference I will be making, mainly because now we’re out, nobody cares [...]
For some reason this is a more disturbing image than I first envisaged. I mean, it’s not like Johnny hasn’t been in the pants of just about every single Australian sporting triumph of the past decade. Perhaps it’s because soccer, and by extension Our Harry, has been somewhat virginal in this country up until now. [...]
The culture wars are over. The Conservatives won. You can’t beat ‘em and you can’t stomach joining ‘em. Don’t burden your children with your left-wing namby-pamby latte-sipping hippie commie UnAustralian compassion, social conscience or lack of rampant materialism. Get them on the winning team early with the John Howard and Friends Kiddies’ Mobile(TM). Before you [...]
We all knew when this started that there were going to be a few things going up the clacker. Since I’ve already played the glove puppet card, I might as well get the finger puppet out of the way as well.
Once you’ve exhausted the joys of being Minister for Immigration Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono, slip on [...]
Stick your hand where the sun never shines (or shines out of, depending on who you’re talking to) and pretend to be our Minister for Immigration, Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono.
We will decide who comes into this country and under what circumstances as long as that’s okay with Indonesia, though that last bit will be left off [...]
He’s been a pain in the arse to slightly fewer than 50% of Australians for a long, long time. To prove that he governs for all Australians and not just for the silent majority (silent mainly due to the fact that they don’t shout AAAAGH! every time they sit down) this is his chance to [...]
Maybe I love barbecues too much - perhaps even as much as this person, but I find even the intent to stop a barbecue to be so heinous, so utterly nihilistically unAustralian that if the sedition laws were truly meant to stop terrorists from destroying our way of life, the slightest mention of perpetrating such [...]
Keep your child securely detained for years on end! With the John Howard Child Restraint(TM), you can be confident your child’s going nowhere indefinitely.1 So secure, the only way of retrieving your child is to wait until John is distracted by a rare dissenting Liberal parliamentarian and quickly snatch the fruit of your loins from [...]
Let’s face it, the smart money’s on the little guy being on the debit side of the bullying ledger during his school years. What better way of taking your revenge on your tormentors, not to mention the entire world, than by joining a conservative political party? That way you get to beat up on poor [...]
There’s nothing better than getting relaxed and comfortable in front of the wide-screen plasma television, slumped in the Chesterfield with your feet up on an accommodating pouffe. And yes, John Howard is the perfect size to help you realise the Australian Battler’s Dream, with the bushiest pair of eyebrows you could ever want for keeping [...]
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